I've been home from Spain three months now and I feel like life for me since I landed has truly been a whirlwind. I landed on a Thursday and went in for a job interview Monday, of which I was blessed enough to receive on the spot. Coming home from Spain, in my mind I had become so committed to finding happiness and fulfilling my dreams, everything else became seemingly irrelevant. I've worked all summer, I moved into a new apartment here in the area and my life began this dramatic transition. I referenced in an earlier post the inevitable moment when you realize that you're no longer a child. I feel that that moment came for me today and with it came a significant degree of introspection... which I should add is what inspired this afternoons post.
Over the past few days, I'd being hearing this flapping airy sound in my car when I drive so of course, one of my priorities became to figure out what the noise was then have it addressed. Later I discovered even doing that had become difficult. After an initial unsuccessful trip to the car dealership I had to take it to another but in order to do so, I also had to find a time within my schedule in which I was able to do that. Now I suppose that doesn't sound like a lot, but for a college student with an ever-increasing workload both academically and professionally, that actually proved to be quite the challenge. Long story short, today I was able to get my car fixed. The price you might ask....? Oh, just a minuscule 900 dollars. Now obviously to some people, that doesn't seem like a big deal... "just the price of having a car" one might say and quite frankly the money wasn't the issue but the fact that I had my first real conversation about finances with my father, the both financial and figurative head of our household; it made an impact. We came to an agreement about how to proceed in addressing the issue and on the smallest of levels, I felt like an equal. On the one hand, I still felt like his baby girl who he'd give the world for and to. But on the other, I felt like a grown woman speaking to a man about the financial realities that you incur as an adult. And for a  moment I had to stop. I began to think about all the things of my childhood of which I could never get back. Things that no one else would ever understand. The house in Charlotte that I grew up in, the relationship that I had with my grandmother that I would everything I've ever owned to get back, my mom's health etc. And it began to sadden me. So many people my age  have their priorities so screwed up. I scroll down my twitter timeline every day only to see misguided females, a males who fail to see that their current aspirations will eventually amount to nothing. And truth be told, the worst of it all is looking at people that you once knew and seeing that theres a large possibility that they are quite ignorant to it all. Well unfortunately I've been interrupted and lost my train of thought so hopefully ill be able to resume this later.
be blessed.
xo

My experience abroad

I'm not sure I know where to begin. For the past 5 months, I have lived in a foreign country 4,000 miles away from all of my friends and family and though there is no way I could ever recall every experience or emotion that I've incurred since January, i'm pretty confident in saying that overall, I wouldn't change a thing (both positive and negative). I learned an innumerable amount since I first arrived. I learned about Latin American history, the governmental structure of the European Union, improved my Spanish skills ten-fold and sooo much more. But more important than that, in being here I was forced to be more independent than  i've ever been in my entire life. I payed bills every month, had errands to run, business to take care of etc. 

Before coming here, I had very few expectations regarding what I would experience here in Spain, but I did come here with a number or explicit goals. The majority of which i'm glad to say I have accomplished. Every individual SA experience is different but the best way i know how to describe mine is that brief period of time that where you by yourself, with the help of no one else, must balance trying to enjoy and make the most of those last moments of your fleeting childhood as well as entering the dismal rabbit-hole that is adulthood to which there exists no exit once you've entered. And more than anything, I feel that struggling to find that balance is what my study abroad has been all about. 

A great deal of the knowledge that i'll be taking back home with me was self-inspired. For example, I realized that regardless of how nice and generous you are to everyone, most people will still only look out for themselves without regard to how it affects others. But I also learned that there are still people who are kindhearted, generous and pure even if they are socially isolated from the 'norms' of our peers. Like Walt Whitman when he was writing Song of Myself, I've seemed to find a lot of myself through keen observations as well as my relationships with others. I've learned that I enjoy having responsibility. I like having having things to do' the feeling of being productive and accomplishing my goals no matter how large or trivial. I learned that like Donkey said (in Shrek) that I am an onion of sorts. I have so many layers, many of which vastly contradict one another. I learned that very few can out do me when it comes to being stubborn and proud something i've accepted as both a blessing of strength as well as a torrential flaw. But i've also learned that no matter how "mature I am for my age" (it's in quotes because its the first thing that most people say to me when they find out how old I am lol) I'm not yet ready to finish being a child but sometimes in the midst of preparing to reach many of my goals as an adult, I forget that.

In a situation like this, you tend to find yourself spending a considerable amount of time alone. And when I was alone, I tended to reflect on the past and question the present as both of these were a heck of a lot easier than stressing over the countless what-ifs of the future. My reflections often brought about a lot of discoveries like the fact that I wasn't happy with a lot of aspects of my life: my relationship with my bf of nearly 3 years was imploding. My heart was with a jerk who never deserved it and somewhere down the line I had tricked myself into believing that I had feelings for one of the closest friends I've ever had. But whats worse than any of this is that much of this had been the case for a while and for the most part, I was aware of it but because of others' expectations of me and and this bittersweet habit I have for putting everyone else's thoughts and feelings before my own, things went to a very unhappy place for me and considering the fact that i'm generally staunchly opposed to sharing my emotions/vulnerabilities with others, I just sat and let these thoughts fester in my head until one day, I was simply finished. Because I was here, by myself, I was able to begin making decisions for me and no one else without the input of anyone else. My relationship had finally ended and I resolved to to avoid all reconciliation. I released all feelings both positive and negatived about the boy that had my heart and promised myself i'd never go back and finally the most seemingly difficult task, I reminded myself that my friend was just that. A friend. No more no less. and things began to look up. 

During this time, I also realized, I had an incredibly low self-image and for such a long time,I convinced myself that it was normal, everyone hates how they look or it was okay as long as no one could tell. But I have since realized that it's not okay and to this day it is still something I struggle with and will continue to until I reach a point in which I am truly happy with myself. 

Very quickly as well, I learned the things that made me tick (like reallyyyy push my buttons) like self-entitlement, disorganization and jealousy just to name a few. But ultimately, it occurred to me that all of these thoughts and feelings were okay because I'm still a kid. Of all the time I spent reflecting, there were also a lot of times where my mind would wander back to adolescent crushes or passing summer days at an easy job only to spend summer nights creating unforgettable memories with those friends that felt like family. My mind often wandered to all of the hypothetical situations that could and would come about this summer, praying that it would be the best one yet. 

This is it for me... and as the responsibility begins to pile, I'm still gonna make sure that I enjoy my summer and all my time because I know now that my days of flippantly claiming "I'm just a kid" are so very numbered.

As this trip comes to a close and I try to pack 6 months of my life into 2 suitcases, I find myself in a daze of extraordinary memories and various apprehensions about the future. What if everythings changed? What if everythings the same? What if i've outgrown the people I used to chill with? What if they forgot about me? What will next semester be like? etc. etc. But all this aside, I am confident (especially now) that I have a bright future ahead of me. Spain feels like a second home to me now so I know i'll definitely be returning to Europe in the future. But until then, I have new friends and memories to hold on to and hundreds of pictures to accompany the amazing story I have to tell. 

haha my favorite tumblr page everr !!

http://thetimeistudiedabroad.tumblr.com/

its soo true ! check it out : )

Morocco !

I haven't blogged in quite a while but the weekend I had definitely calls for it. But first I suppose i'll catch you up on life since I last posted. My semester here in Spain is coming to a close and it's definitely bittersweet. For the past week or two, I have been incredibly busy preparing for the end of school and my return home; presentations, projects, exams, paperwork the usual. But I haven't been too busy to enjoy the remainder of my time abroad. Last weekend my roommate and I traveled to Sevilla to visit a friend of hers. It was absolutely incredible. Hot ! but incredible nonetheless. While there, we traveled to the nearby province of Cordoba. Both Sevilla and Cordoba reminded me of all the reasons I love Spain. The weather is absolutely beautiful this time of year (it hasn't gotten super hot for the summer yet) and the cities themselves are filled with so much history, it would truly blow your mind. To say that I enjoyed my time there would be a gross understatement. I even got to eat some American food (Subway and Dominoes) and words cannot express my contentment. You never realize how much you like something until you're forced to go a short lifetime without it. This past weekend, Klara and I traveled to Morocco, a small country on the coast of Africa and I must say, it was definitely a different world... If asked to describe Morocco, I don't even know where i'd begin. It's dirty and incredibly poor and NO ONEEEE knows how to drive (I mean they have cars but obviously the actual capacity to correctly operate one isnt a requirement to have a driver's license) Por ejemplo, my first experience in Tangier was witnessing a man on a bike get hit by a car and have not a single person stop to help him. It was awful but I digress. As I was saying, Morocco was definitely something but what most resonated with me is how rich it is in its culture. It seemed to be a mix of African, Indian and the middle east all rolled up together. Tangier provided with quite a few memorable experiences both good and bad. I should start by saying that Moroccan men love black women and love to prey on tourists even more. The day Klara and I arrived we began walking around the city but we didn't very far before we were approached by a man who proceeded to show us around the lower city of Tangier. It was interesting, he took us beyond all the primary tourist areas into the reality of Tangier where children go to school, teens go to hang out, women go to pray, etc.  He even took us to his brothers shop where his family sells one of a kind rugs, jewelry and tapestry; a staple of the Islamic culture. I find their culture more interesting than most. Before coming here I would speculate regarding their culture and practices based on what I would see on tv or the minimal encounters i'd had with Islamic students I went to school with but even so, going to Tangier provided me with a very different view than the one i'd held previously. The degree to which they hold the virtue of respect is like nothing I've ever seen and certainly beyond anything that my country is capable of  sadly but that begets a separate issue, you learn to take the good with the bad anywhere you go. At any rate, I was utterly fascinate by the fact that in a city full of ogling and howling me, when accompanied by a man of Morocco, not a tour guide, but a man they truly identify as one of their own, the most they would do is stare and occasionally compliment him on how pretty you are. But the second there's a considerable amount of difference between the two of you, you're fair game. I also noticed that Abdul would greet nearly every man we crossed paths with and occasionally elderly women but never women or girls. The next day was just as interesting. Abdul hailed a taxi for us and took us to the beach to ride the camels and the Hercules caves on the coast of Africa. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and even found myself on an adventure or two but that's a story for another time. I am so incredibly grateful for the knowledge I gained and the experiences that the trip afforded me but I will say I doubt ill ever go back lol

 
SN: Moroccan men are very attractive (well many of them are) but I could never handle the world/ culture that they live in. No better or worse than my own, just different. But I think that's all for now. Thanks for reading

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and on the northern most coast of Spain, he placed a horizon in which both entities meet. 

I know its been quite a while since my last post but I find that me, it takes a great deal of energy and inspiration to write anything of substance; both of which recently, I've lacked. This past weekend, my roommate and I traveled to Donastia, Spain. Donastia is most known for the beaches of San Sebastian (if you're unfamiliar, google it). Coming off of a pretty long week, I suspected that this weekend away would bring me some much needed divertida (fun) and rejuvenation... little did I know... No amount of words or the 150 + pictures I took could do justice to this incredible place. 

The nature of this trip was different than any I had been on previously, largely thanks to my travel partner. Typically I travel with a girl named Rayna, a classmate of mine at UNCG that I originally came to Spain with, but this time I decided to go with one of my roommates. Bailey, an eccentric 24 year old author and two year resident of Spain is an interesting person to say the least. Probably one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet, this Wisconsin native was home-schooled by her parents who doubled as traveling circus performers. That said, her vast traveling experience and deep appreciation for the world around her is both awe-striking and something to be envied. Being the only other American in our piso, I guess you could say that our friendship was forced by circumstance, but nonetheless its still one that I that I thank God for every day. 

When we arrived to San Sebastian following our 7 hour journey, (btw the traveling process here is sooo not what i'm used to... as in to get to San Sebastian you must do the following: walk --> bus --> various metro stops --> train --> walk... you get the idea) checked into our lovely pension (hostal) and hit the pavement. The first stop we made ? The tourist office for a map of the most suggested tourist sites. This was new for me because typically when traveling with Rayna, shopping is our primary objective. Bailey's quite different. I liked that. This trip, our objective was to visit s many sites as we could and I must say we did quite well and even encountered an unexpected celebration or two. We visited old cathedrals, ancient theaters, parks, palaces, congressional halls and more ! As its mid- March on the northern coast, the weather hasn't fully broken for the Spring meaning there weren't any real opportunities to enjoy the beach in the traditional sense, but that never stopped us. Bailey whose academic interests far more ranging than my own taught me enough about Spanish history and culture to last a short lifetime. Being with her, I opened myself up to new experiences that I never would've thought of had I come by myself or with anyone else. I can honestly say in the 3 1/2 days that we spent there, we took advantage of every waking moment, sometimes even doing things that took me well outside of my comfort zone. But ifs for those things that I am the most grateful. The most recent being the cornerstone of my trip to San Sebastian. 

I won't bore you with historical context but one of the most notable images of San Sebastian is a small 415 foot mountain located at the edge of the city which can be seen from just about anywhere down below. Perched at the very top of Monte Urgull Mendia is Castillo de la Mota, a 17th century castle home to an incredible amount of Spanish history. Thanks to Bailey and some help from God himself, I became witness to some of the most unforgettably majestic views of San Sebastian and the Atlantic Ocean that the world has ever known. I beheld these views standing on the roof of Castillo de la Mota. (Yes, I, Dominique Caldwell hiked my first real mountain... in my cute boots lol) No picture ever taken can capture the incomparable beauty and spirituality of seeing the work of God from that altitude. Breathtaking is a gross understatement. My experience at the top of Monte Urgull reaffirmed my faith in a way that I could never express. But what I found most meaningful was the fact on the day in which we climbed, the weather was supposed to be terrible. It was projected to rain all day accompanied by the frigid winds that only seem to frequent the coast. But the day was beyond beautiful and not an ounce of rain fell on us while we were on the mountain and for what seemed like the exact amount of time we were up there the wind seemed to rest. 

The experiences I had this past weekend proved to me that there is no feeling like being able to see with your own eyes how much God loves his children just by the Earth that hes given us. For anyone traveling to Spain,  I would oblige you to stop in San Sebastian for at least a day if you can. It's a beautiful place with amazingly friendly people. And for some, if you let it, it can open your eyes to a world whose realities soar well beyond your highest expectations of perfection.

Hello again ! I have so many thoughts in my head at the moment so excuse the fact that my writing may appear convoluted and jumps around a little bit. But that aside, I am glad to report that I am fully settled here in Toledo. In fact, I just returned from a wonderful trip to a friend Klara's piso. I've agreed to teach one of her roommates English. Its nice to see things outside of the buildings on my way to school or the inside of my own piso. Due to the cold weather, I haven't been doing too much touring. But i'm hoping that will change soon. Klara's home was beautiful, the flat that she lived in had a staircase reminiscent of old Spanish castles. But what struck me most was the conversation that we all had about the differences and similarities in the economic situation in each of our respective countries. Klara hails from the Czech Republic, her roommate a Spanish native and of course myself from the US. (( Not so random sidenote: I woke up yesterday to run a couple of errands in the city only to find myself caught amidst multiple moving protests throughout the city (which made it impossible to get around in a timely fashion I might add) however these protesters intrigued me. There were protesters of all ages; from college students to senior citizens. I was kind of afraid to stop and ask the reason behind the protest so I rushed home and asked one of roommates, a 24 yr old teacher teacher from Wisconsin whose lived here for two years, what all the fuss is about. She wasn't exactly sure herself but she did tell me that for the past few years, the Spanish economy and education system has been headed toward turmoil so the protest could be about multiple issues. )) Now back to the story at hand, as Klara, her roommate and I discussed the economic issues of our home countries, I eventually learned what yesterday's protest was about. The Spanish economy is actually quite similar to that of the United States; there are budget cuts occurring in virtually every industry to relieve a national deficit established by the socialist government that preceded the current democracy. It seems that just like at home, to solve one problem, we incur another; essentially trying to more with less. People are working more hours for less pay, getting displaced or layed off entirely and on top of that, a number of crooked politicians have been revealed to be within the political party that was just elected to govern. Prior to yesterday, I was under the impression that Spain had very few political and social problems though in retrospect, I'm not sure what gave me that impression lol But even though the topic of conversation was negative, I was very glad to gain such insight on a issue that I was so ignorant of and see first hand how it is affecting the people of Spain. I hope that I have many more similar experiences to this one so that I will come back a more worldly person and can share my knowledge with many others like myself who have been so sheltered from the happenings of the rest of the world. So with this entry, I challenge you all to stop for a moment and take the time to learn about something outside of the world that we know. The knowledge you'll gain has proven to foster quite a rewarding feeling.

So I haven't written in a few days lol my apologies, most days things have been pretty busy and then the other days I just haven't felt I had too much to say. But I guess to catch you all up, I'm in my flat and all settled now. I have 5 roommates and they all seem pretty nice. We each have our own room so there isn't a whole lot of interaction but i'm enjoying it thus far. Classes have begun so i've spent the last couple days trying to get used to that. I'm only taking four courses while i'm here, and they are with regular university students so all of my classes are taught in Spanish. The first couple days were slightly overwhelming but I've been fortunate enough in that all of my professors seems more than willing to help clarify things that I may not initially understand. Things are going quite well. Last weekend, me and a friend traveled to Madrid. Its about 40 miles outside the city by train and it was absolutely wonderful. The trip went soo smoothly which is what made me most excited simply because it was our first traveling excursion since we've been here. I even did a little shopping. Nothing major though. I'm definitely beginning to feel more adjusted to the city and the culture but I miss home. My friends have been really great in making time to keep in touch with me considering the major time difference. My credit and debit card still haven't made it here yet but my Mom has been wonderful in making sure that I have the money that I need. But I'm still waiting for when they do becausee I'm going to personally reward my patience with a trip to the local mall (ironic considering thats where my wallet was stolen in the first place) but I'm definitely going to make an effort to be more careful this time. I think that's about it for now. Not too much is happening so until next time... Adios !